Nana

My nana has not been well for quite some time now, she developed dementia several years ago and she has not been the same woman since.
The nana I remember was patient, independent, generous and so many other things. Word cannot justify what type of woman she was or what she means to me. I stayed with my right up until I was 18 because I enjoyed her company and pratically lived out of her pocket. At the moment I don't see her as often as I should because I want to perserve all the memories I have of her and don't want them tainted because the woman I see now isnt or how my nana should be and it kills me inside knowing she deserves better than how life has turned out for her.
Since getting the news of how unwell my nana is, its been heartbreaking and I feel like im waiting for that dreaded phonecall or knock at the door. I have kidded myself for so long thinking that the day will never come and I selfishly never want it to happen.